Paradigms and Principles

The second part of the fist part of the book is important in everyone's life (its worth saying so I don't sound like to big of a fool the book is separated in to parts and with in the parts they clump chapters together). So the next big thing in "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" is paradigms and principles so wait what is a paradigm I'm sure most of you know the word just forget the meaning so paradigm means "A typical example or pattern of something like a model of something" I guess the best way of saying what a paradigm is, is by telling you an old paradigm of myself and a new one and how it helped or hurt me. So an old paradigm I used to have about my self is or well a few are "I'm fat, nobody likes me, and I'm weak" so that is three paradigms I used to have about myself and as you can guess they all hurt me and hindered me because I didn't believe in myself and I put limitations on myself with in everything I did. A bad paradigm can really hold you back. They are something you don't want to have. some paradigms I have now are "Strong, Able to make a change, and caring" This are all helpful paradigms because I believe I can make a change with in the world and I am strong in all senses of the word I can open that bottle of pickles now! and I am caring and I'm not afraid to say it because I am strong. So yes I care about all my family friends and others I don't even know. As you can see your paradigms can really restrict you or let you soar as high as you would like. Okay so I know what your thinking that's great and all but how do I change my paradigm? Well there is a number of ways you can do it but also parts that help you such as someone cleaning your glasses. Let me explain imagine you are wearing glasses that say "I only ever hurt people" and that's what you see the world through is those words. Now think what would happen if you best friend came up and said "hey thank you so much Jenny all the help, you really supported me through that break up you helped me more then you know!"  Now wait that just went against the words you look at the world through she just cleaned your glasses. Know that may change your paradigm may not but it helps for sure! a couple ways you can make the change are think of one of your paradigms "I'm not outgoing" now do something that completely goes against that! another great way is look in to a mirror say something positive about yourself like "Trent you look good!" I did it when my paradigm was that I was fat and you know what I blew that paradigm away it didn't stand a chance! So who cleans your glasses? I know for me it is always changing but the person who cleaned my glasses last time was a close friend of my Alex! Paradigms aren't only about yourself tho you also make them about others to and they are often incomplete, inaccurate or way off! Say Sam is slowly stopping talking to you and everyone else so you stop talking to her and you stat to think she is just getting really rude and that she doesn't care about anyone anymore then a week later your talking to Matt and he started to tell you that Sam's Grandma is in hospital and it is really hitting her hard and she doesn't know what to do. I bet your paradigm about Sam just shifted! I had a paradigm about a close friend of mine that he was starting to get really self centered but just the other day he was telling me his break up with his girl friend really changed him and even while he was dating. He just wasn't as happy any more and really everything he said sounded like what he centered his life around changed to help protect himself. This story runs great in to my next topic Life-centers. What is your life center? I know with mine it just shifted around a lot lately. It started to shift on to one person and I didn't even notice it! But then some stuff happened between us and I was feeling hurt everyday because of it then I started to reading through the book and I was like WOW!!! That makes so much sense now! I feel really bad for it know because it is really tiring on the other person and it can get a little out of hand. So this book just came in time. I have changed my life center back now but I'm going to hold off on telling you what it is quite yet. Some life centers can be really unstable such as friend centered this is bad because friends come and go and they move away then you are lost because what you define your self by is now gone. material centered you define yourself off what you have you get your confidence off your fast car or your new dress. A great saying about why this is a bad center is "If I am what I have and what I have lost what am I? When you base yourself off your stuff you have no real identity your stuff has your identity instead plus image if your car was stolen or your house burned with all your clothing who are you know? boyfriend/girlfriend is a bad one as well because once your life is centered around your partner you become unattractive because you are no longer independents you are depended on you partner and not many people like that. If your girlfriend says something mean your day is ruined now if she is sad then you are sad you no longer have your own mood you are joined and if you break up then you have no identification any more now I know what you are thinking but what if I'm in love that's not how you show your love you both stay yourself after all that is who you feel for not someone who dependent on you for happiness and your world doesn't need to revolve around them. another bad one is self centered but I don't think i need to go in to that one other bad ones are parent centered school/work centered, hobby centered, drama, sports and a lot more. Okay since I just ruined a bunch of peoples centers which I'm sorry for but it will help in the long run I swear! This is what my life is based on and this is also what the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" say to, is principles. Yes principles centered life it is the most stable center you can have! All of though's bad centers can become part if your principles then your not standing on one thing any more you stand on as many as you would like! and if one doesn't work for you take it out and change it to something that does! Do people call you a lier? Okay well lets change something out or just add in honesty as a new principle! It is the best thing to build your identity off of! I am going to make a photo of mine and share it with you and I what you to stop and think what your life is centered around! and then think about becoming principles centered and if you are think about what your principles are and write them down and see if you like what you stand for! Next time your in a hard spot stop and think what principle could I use here to help? (honesty, love, loyalty, hard work or maybe patience) then follow that and don't think twice!